Between
by tofsla
Summary: A night of escapism. Kaoru/Rei.


_Notes: Angsty smut, I suppose. Written in 2009._

* * *

Kaoru takes Rei home - to her family's home, not Rei's box of mirrors - and she tries to feed her, tries to take her drugs away. Once Rei has stopped shaking she deflects all attempts with a distant smile which says nothing is a big deal. She doesn't even eat dinner, just rearranges it on the plate.

"You should stay here," Kaoru says, as a last-ditch attempt.

Rei laughs, which is the expected response. Kaoru tries to think that there was a flicker of longing in there for a moment beforehand - or a flicker of anything, really. That would almost be enough. But it's hard to say. "You're too stubborn."

Almost mocking, that. If Kaoru didn't know where this was coming from she could get angry with Rei right now, instead of with the person who deserves it. Instead she gets up and puts their plates away, comes back to stand by Rei, lays a careful hand on her shoulder.

Some days she can feel Rei trying to drive her away, and on others she holds on tight; half of the time she fails to decide which she's doing, and wavers helplessly in the middle. Kaoru tries not to let go, ever, as though she can keep Rei going just like that. The alternative is terrifying.

Today, Rei wavers.

"Stay," Kaoru says again, with certainty, because someone has to have some.

Rei's nod is very faint, but not imagined.

* * *

They have sex. It's not that uncommon when they find themselves sleeping in the same place, away from everything else that makes life complicated. Kaoru lies spread across her bed, still half-dressed, and Rei's fingers work into her, making the passage of her hands over Rei's bare skin erratic. They kiss, and Rei starts trembling all over again, so Kaoru takes control, rolling them over, touching Rei tenderly in every way she knows how.

It's never quite enough. Even when Rei is clutching at her, face temporarily alive with indecipherable emotions, body tensing over and over with release. Anything Kaoru can do for her can be undone in moments.

Afterwards Rei pulls her clothes on, more or less, and throws the window wide open, although it's cold out, and sits on the windowsill, cigarette held carelessly in one hand, letting the smoke curl out into the night. Kaoru could tell her to stop smoking, probably would any other time, though it's one of the least of her worries overall - but she keeps quiet, and watches carefully, wondering whether she will be able to move quickly enough to catch Rei if anything happens.

She hates thinking like this. But for now Rei just smokes her cigarette, and crawls back into bed.

Eventually they sleep.

* * *

Kaoru wakes up gradually, and tries not to move too suddenly, conscious of the slowness of Rei's breathing. Rei's hair has fallen across her face, and across Kaoru's too; actually it seems to be everywhere, which should probably be far more annoying than it seems right now. She brushes it carefully aside, and Rei shifts in her sleep, murmurs something completely indistinct. Probably not anything Kaoru genuinely wants to hear. It never is.

Once Rei has settled again Kaoru slides herself out of bed and pads out to the bathroom, taking care of all the things she would rather not think about while her mind is still full of sleep-haze; cleans herself up, adjusts bindings, swallows pills grudgingly, and resents the whole thing. As soon as the evidence is all tucked away again she can work on pushing the horror at everything back down below the surface too. It's a practiced ritual.

Back in her bedroom sits herself on the edge of the bed and watches Rei, considering, then slides herself back under the covers after all. Rei shifts to let her, then drapes an arm over her, pulls her a little closer; she doesn't open her eyes. Kaoru begins to comment, stops herself, and lets the moment stand without interruption. It is perhaps five minutes before Rei pretends to wake up, eyes sliding open, hands settling more firmly on Kaoru.

"Morning," she mumbles, an extra huskiness to her voice which might be sleep or might, in consideration of the way Rei is trying to press a leg between Kaoru's thighs, be something else entirely.

Kaoru smiles and allows the invasion, brushing hair away from Rei's face again - a losing battle, that one. She carefully ignores the ever-present bracelet she can feel against her side; it's just an unwelcome distraction from the warm hand on the small of her back. This is not a time for thinking about any of those larger things. It's for small details, and the illusion of life being manageable.

She pushes away the remains of her more serious thoughts, and lets Rei tease her towards something else, kissing and touching, always in the right places; Rei might pretend not to pay attention, but she's noticed enough. Her leg is pressed intimately against Kaoru, and it's easy for Kaoru to shift, rub against it, biting her lip at the friction through her underwear, feeling it hot and tight in the pit of her abdomen.

Rei's hands brushing across her chest start her out of it, making her abruptly wary, uneasy, but it's only a moment; a sharp glance from Rei which says it wasn't quite an accident and then she's moving on, back towards things that feel good. Kaoru closes her eyes against unasked questions and tries to let go again, and Rei makes it easier by sliding further down, fingers curling around Kaoru's underwear, tugging it away, and it's only a moment before Kaoru is having to bite her lip again. Rei is as good with her mouth as with her hands.

Collapsed against each other afterwards, they try to pretend that they aren't delaying intentionally. The light is still early-morning, but eventually this will turn back into an ordinary day.

They have plenty to fear from the ordinary.

[fin]


End file.
